So, I eventually got round to watching the third instalment
of the disappointing Transformers trilogy. It took me a while, due to watching
the second part transform into a load of crap before my very eyes. I mean a
Decepticon with a massive pair of wrecking ball testicles. Whatever next, an
Autobot with air bag boobs?! Oh and don’t get me started on the ‘humorous’
comedy relief robots, probably the biggest character misstep since George Lucas
introduced Jar Jar Binks.
Such was the bitter taste left in my mouth, that I didn’t
even think about going to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon at the cinema,
waiting instead for it to limp out on Blu-Ray. I have to say, it is a pleasant
surprise, not a good one, merely pleasant. It’s much better than the second, but
not quite up to the novelty factor of the first.
The opening premise is interesting, giving the first moon
landing a nice slant and explaining a little bit more on the Transformers
arrival on earth. For those of you like me, who were raised on the cartoon and
comics, there are some lovely little geek moments – the ark, Cybertron, the
Matrix and the arrival of Shockwave, who is pretty angry!
The film is all about the robots, the human characters are
obviously just there to save us from CG overload. Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely
replaces Megan Fox, and gives a mannequin performance, merely acting as a
clothes horse for many number of tight white dresses. John Malkovich obviously
had some spare time on his hands and completely chews up the scenery in a
completely bonkers and needless cameo. Shia LaBeouf’s character has seemingly
become more and more insignificant over the films, much like his character arc
in the story. Ah yes, the story…
The story is, well, slight shall we say. The Autobots battle
a new adversary they thought was on their side, but sides with the evil
Megatron. Their dastardly plan is to enslave the human race and bring Cybertron
into our orbit. Basically the story is an excuse to have massive action scenes
and not much else.
The action scenes are pretty spectacular as you would expect
and the whole thing is pretty exciting. However, I know this may sound strange,
but I think the Transformers are a little too detailed, as when the action is
really kicking off, sometimes you don’t have a bloody clue what’s going on,
who’s fighting who, it’s just a mass of metal. They should have kept them basic
like the cartoon, a few blocks put together with a wheel here and a wing there.
Speaking of the cartoon, I still maintain that the 1986
cartoon movie is a far superior film and has a great story. Believe it or not,
it was also Orseon Welles last film before he died. It also features Leonard
Nimoy, who voices Sentinal Prime in the new film, which meant I couldn’t help
thinking ‘he was much better as Galvatron’.
Overall, an average and entertaining third instalment…but
please no more, I don’t think my childhood dreams can take another pounding.
